It's been a while

Hello folks.

I'm pleased to say that one reason for my silence this past week was that I got to have some fun. Noah and I went up to Oakland for his brother Sam's "wedding" (we're not supposed to say that, but it's still the best descriptor). We flew up on Thursday and stayed until Tuesday. We made it to a couple of favorite SF restaurants (and a couple of others in the East Bay), and though almost all of our time was spent in family events, we got to see a bit of our old stomping grounds. The visit was fun anyway, and I enjoyed seeing the whole large, loud, loose, loving Markewich clan.

We flew back on Tuesday just in time for chemo. I did not want to go. In fact, I was writing a blog entry in my head the night before, and it went like this:

No, no, no, no. Don't make me go. I don't want to, I don't want to.
Fine.
This just better f***king be working.

Nice, huh? But quite true to my state of mind. The physical side effects, as it turns out, are not so bad for me--but mentally it is really rough. Just knowing that there are these toxic fluids being put into me, and that I'll feel even a little bad, is difficult. At this point in the cycle, I feel rotten just because of the thought of chemo, even more than from the chemo itself.

At least I have only one more AC treatment (that is the one that causes nausea) and then I'm on to Taxol, which has its own problems--but they do not include nausea, and somehow that seems worse than the others to me. I don't like feeling nauseated, and I associate nausea with mental stress, so it's even worse. And after the next treatment I'll be halfway done, so that's a positive too.

Meanwhile, I actually feel a little better this time than last. I have been more vigilant about taking the anti-nausea drugs, which seems to be helping, and I have a little more energy. Usually Thursdays after chemo mean I lie on the couch all day, but today I made some food and went on a walk--both real accomplishments!--and even got some work done, which was also nice.

But having done all that--I'm a little tired now. It's a lovely afternoon here, on a day that's been in the mid-70s, and Noah's about to go to volleyball. I think I'll relax and stop typing. More later.